As we all anxiously await our next flight to Florida, here’s a tongue-in-cheek look at 36 things that happen on every Disney travel day.
1. You wake up at 4am with more energy than you’ve ever had for your 6am work alarm because it’s DISNEY TRAVEL DAY and you can’t possibly sleep another wink.
2. Constantly worry you’re going to miss the plane even though your hotel is five minutes away from the airport and you don’t fly for over six hours.
3. Take two Anadin Extra in the airport toilet because you got a bit too excited in the hotel bar last night and drank five large glasses of Pinot Grigio.
4. Approach the check in desk with a nervous tummy hoping for a seat upgrade on the flight. You’re not picky, even extra leg room seats will do.
5. Get disappointed when the upgrade doesn’t come.
6. Spend approx £102 on nonsense in Boots, W H Smith and duty free as soon as you’re through security. Pray for your bank balance if this is a sign to come. You’re not even at Disney yet.
7. Eat a lacklustre breakfast at Frankie and Bennys. Wish you’d saved the money and got a sausage and egg mcmuffin at McDonald’s. They never let you down.
8. Drink at least three pints in the airport bar. It’s 5 o’clock somewhere, right?
9. Discuss in great detail what would happen if your plane crashed. Pray to god it waits for your return journey to malfunction so you can at least enjoy your Disney holiday first.
10. Yay – it’s time to board! Marvel (lol) at all the Disney merch in the queue and say ‘wonder where they’re going’ with a wink about 35 times.
11. Board the plane. After extra security checks because you’re the guy that gets picked for it. EVERY. DAMN. TIME.
12. Finally get your case in the overhead locker only to realise you left your iPad in it. Spend 10 minutes getting it out whilst trying to ignore the tuts coming from the other passengers around you.
13. Say you’re going to watch something new on the flight. But when it comes down to it, you choose The Lion King like you do every bloody time because you may as well get into the spirit early and there’s no denying it’s the best Disney film ever made.
14. Jump 10ft every time there’s an odd noise on board. Ask the stewardess what it is. Find out it’s the microwave, not the plane dropping you to your death like you’ve been thinking for the last hour. (this ones for Carl)
15. Decide plane food is the best food on earth because you’re on your way to Disney and not even luke-warm sausage and mash can dull your sparkle.
16. Spend 20 minutes of the line at customs discussing what would happen if they didn’t let you into the country. Attempt a smile at the hard-faced border control officer to quickly be offered a ‘we mean business here’ scowl in return. Ah, welcome to America.
17. Hold onto your cases for dear life at MCO lest they get taken down the baggage belt of doom not to be seen again for two hours.
18. It’s time for the first ride of the holiday, the MCO Monorail! Mention that it’s the first ride of the holiday about 85 times on the journey.
19. Get lost finding the Virgin/Alamo/Magical Express area even though you’ve done this shit dozens of times before.
20. Take a picture in-front of the Walt Disney World sign in MCO because you’re Disney basic and you don’t care who knows it.
21. Upload it to Instagram the minute you have wifi. With the caption ‘We’re home’ because you want everyone to know you just landed in the most magical place on earth and they’re stuck in the office eating a sad chicken sarnie from the lunch van.
22. Complain about how hot it is the minute you step foot out of the airport.
23. Play the ‘who can spot the Disney sign first’ game on the transfer from the hotel.
24. You’re finally here! It’s time to check in. Get deliriously giddy and excited about your brand-new magic band like you don’t have five more in varying colours stashed away in your case.
25. Receive a massive badge when you check in. Even if you don’t have something to celebrate you make it up because what is a Disney trip without a massive badge?
26. Debate between heading to a park or grabbing a bite to eat at your hotel.
27. Soon enough you’re on your way to Magic kingdom because YOLO, bed can wait.
28. Thank the gods you had the good mind to book those Magic Kingdom Fastpasses 60 days ago ‘just in case’.
29. Head straight to the Emporium because you need those new Minnie ears. Spend 25 minutes debating the merits of rose gold over classic and arendelle blue over polka dot like you aren’t going to finish the trip with every single pair in your luggage.
30. Pop into Main Street Bakery because MICKEY SNACKS.
31. Next stop is the nearest quick service with chicken nuggets because you’re starving and in your memory Disney nuggets are the best damn nuggets you’ve ever tasted in your life.
32. End up at Cosmic Rays. You were wrong about the nuggets.
33. Get in the queue for Buzz Lightyear’s Space Ranger Spin. Start hallucinating because OMG the lights are so trippy and you’re so tired.
34. As much as you try not to, you bail before Happily Ever After begins because staying up until 9pm just aint gonna happen.
35. Get back to your hotel. Consider buying a beer as a nightcap. Reminded that a bottle of beer is $8.50, decide otherwise.
36. Collapse in your Disney bed and sleep soundly knowing you have 14 days of fun ahead of you.
Overall, a great Disney travel day!